Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Nothing but a bunch of hairy, Oasis loving, gold chain wearing, pasta eating, mafia members.

(Today's image and post is dedicated to www.oasisblues.com. Just so you know, you're the open mouthed figure.)

Well I've pissed off the Italians.

Maybe that's an overstatement, let me rephrase.

I've pissed off the 10 or so Italians who are hanging on to the Gallagher brothers' used up, decrepit, sweaty sacks. 

How'd this happen? In October, I posted a blog entry about how Oasis was a rancid, overrated band. Essentially, I wished somebody could figure out a way to remove Noel & Liam from the planet. Why do they not make a back-in-time abortion button? 

The entry also mentioned I hated the Beatles—that's right, I think they were about as innovative as a steak knife. 

So last week I noticed that Just Shit Talking was getting a steady stream of visitors from Italy. I wondered why. Why are these Leaning Tower of Pisa, dough-tossers coming here and why are they all coming from Oasis Blues?

Then I stumbled upon this Oasis orgy love puddle

The site notes it is "the Italian Milan site for pure Oasis, City and England fans." Is that a sentence? 

Since it's worded so poorly I'm going to guess it's run by either a 14 year old girl with a learning deficiency or an Italian with a loose grasp of the English language. And since nobody wants to make fun of 14 year olds with learning deficiencies, I'm going to go ahead and make fun of the loud, sweaty, Italian side of my guess. 

So, let's go through the Oasis Blue post and the comment section and see how much fun it can be to make fun of Chef Boyardee's greasy-headed, Catholic, knuckle draggers. 

  1. "after John Lennon, another American idiot wants to kill Oasis"—Well, we're off to a great start—forgetting to capitalize the first letter in a sentence and I see we're using punctuation as haphazardly as the killing of innocent, peace-loving monks during the second Italo-Abyssinian War. Way to go Italy. Anyway, for an "American Idiot", I can at least figure out capitalization and punctuation are a key part of sentence structure. Maybe you should look into Rosetta Stone, it's one of America's finest exports, right up there with recognizing that FACISM WAS FUCKING WRONG.
  2. "I love America but there's an idiot who lives in a toilet"—I'm going have to differ with you on this one. While my house does contain 3 toilets I don't live in any of them. Sure I frequent them from time to time but that's about it. See, this is again where I think the language barrier or too many ingrown unibrow hairs have confused you. This blog is about bathroom graffiti and it's place in underground art. Occasionally, I express my opinions on things but rarely do I write about music. Sorry guys, I'll try to use smaller words and send a fleet of tweezers to Milan for you. Also, pick another adjective than "idiot". Try "asshole", "bastard" or "moron", it's a good way to mix up your sentences. Makes things sound fresh.
  3. "You can report him please, on the bar above, "report abuse" (in Italian "segnala una violazione") and spread the word, to make..American Blogger close it."—Wow, one person tells you they don't like your favorite band and you try to turn me in for abuse? What if I told you I didn't like your shirt or your jet black hair underneath your hairnet, would you send the Mario Brothers over here to beat my mom with a sausage? Fugetaboutit!
  4. "His name is "Shit Talker" and knows "a lot" about music..."—Couple things here. First, my name isn't Shit Talker, just like your name isn't Oasis Blue. That is, unless you are so infatuated with Oasis that you changed your first name to Oasis. Also, Blue doesn't sound very Italian to me, I mean I would expect you to keep your proud Italian last name—names like Corleone or Soprano or again, Boyardee. Oasis Boyardee has a nice ring to it. Next, you quote me as saying I know "a lot" about music. Go back, pick up your English to Italian pocket translator and re-read the post. I never said I knew "a lot" about music. (Just so you know, I actually do I have degree in music history and music theory and another in journalism, that's not bragging, oh who am I kidding, that is bragging.) 
  5. "hiding himself in his beautiful successful blog, name and face, he should change name in Shit Wanker."—Why thank you. I do think this blog is beautiful with its' junior high school art direction. Second your comment isn't a sentence. Slow it down hoss. Third, this blog is not successful. I've made $0 at it and I'm okay with that.
  6. "Congrats for the place where he lives, a toilet is appropriate for a piece of shit as he is."—Again, not a great sentence but I see where you were going. It's hard to type complete sentences when you're yelling at your mom from her basement to go make you another plate of meatballs. It's okay, it's your second language, sometimes sounding like a bleating goat is just fine.
Now, on to the comments. I'm only going to make fun of the ones that are in English, or some form of broken English. I translated a few through Google translator and even Google translator can't understand these mooks.

  1. "reported! idiots as these must be erased. We should also report him to the official site"—Great. Glad you reported me. Go ahead, report me to Oasis. I'm sure they've got time to take a break from recording their next amazing record to talk to me about their opinions on music and... oh wait, they broke up. Yeah they care so much about their fans and their illustrious musical career that they can't stand to even be in the same room together.
  2. "Andrea said...still the primitive men in the year 2010. He even hates the Beatles, that says a lot: he's not human."—Nice rhyme but Andrea, come on, bring the hard stuff. You kind of whiffed on this one. Kind of like how Oasis whiffed on Heathen Chemistry. Just a terrible record, again, much like your comment.
  3. "he's a jealous shit!!!!!!!"—Eh. You know what, I'm gonna give you this one. I'd love to have millions in the bank and not have to work.
  4. "these days internet is totally out of control"—I agree with you. There is way too much granny and tranny porn out there. Also the kiddie porn is out of control too. Somebody needs to shut Pete Townsend's computer down. 
  5. "Piolo77 said...jealousy.. We would never write we want to kill Green Day and nobody in the world, but live forever so to show they're inferior to Oasis... That blog says a lot about people who hate Oasis... ridiculous and childish people."—Glad you'd never write we want to kill Green Day. Except you just said, "we want to kill Green Day". I figure if Oasis Blue can misquote me by saying I know "a lot" about music, then I can misquote you as saying, "we want to kill Green Day". Wait until Green Day and it's fans get hold of this.
  6. "Matt C said...of course one as Shit Talker has a friend with a Che Guevara profile pic and hates Oasis."—Matt, not seeing the direct connection here but I guess you're mad Che wasn't in the band? Not really sure what you're digging at? I have no control over what my friends pick as their icons. That's like saying Italy had no choice but to enter World War II and fight with the Germans.
  7. "M77 said...why the great "man" Shit Talker doesn't face himself the Gallaghers? is he afraid they beat him? or is he afraid of the British SAS military bodyguard soldiers they have as security service.."—Why don't I face the Gallaghers? Oh let me see, because I run a shitty little blog about bathroom graffiti with a usual readership in teens. Tell you what M77 if you can get the Gallaghers in the same room without them stabbing one another with pitchforks then I'll face them. Actually, go ahead get them in the same room, that'll solve a lot of problems.
  8. "Green Gay said...americans are depressed people: their only possibility is to eat a lot, to become fat fucks."—Sorry Green Gay. I'm not fat. Nor do suffer from depression. I'm in my early 30s, fairly active and only get depressed when Oasis is on the radio. Actually, Oasis Blue, you can blame your reader Green Gay for this entire post/rant. I was ready to just laugh the whole thing off. But then he had to stereotype Americans as fat and depressed. Sure a lot of us are but that's like describing Italians as greasy, olive oil making, mother loving, gondola drivers. I figure it's fair to generalize. Doesn't it feel great?
  9. admin said...I reported him to the Gallaghers. About the Canadian attacking Noel, they said: his house is our house..."—"Canadian attacking"? What the hell is that? I never attacked Canada. Canada's great. I love Canada. I never said anything bad about Canada. Long live Canada.
From there, the rest of the comments aren't really worth printing here. They're just lazy. Lazy like Americans. Right? And since I'm expecting a comeback from Oasis Blue and his followers, I'm sure myself and America will be attacked for our crazy religions, our lack of education, our overspending, our world debt, our veins of racism that still run through this country, our senseless slaughter of millions of people, our pill-popping, school shooting teens, our lack of public transportation, our over consumption of everything, our sedentary lifestyles, our big cars, our stupid, vapid Hollywood stars, our oil spills, our crimes against nature and our jobless, homeless nation. I'm quite sure there's more to add to this attack because American's do a lot of stupid things. Me taking the time to write this post is probably one of them. 

Hell, our music scene is worse now than ever. When a show like American Idol can trot out over produced pop crap for bloated Americans to consume and the Black Eyed Peas can somehow perform at the Super Bowl in horrendous fashion, is this worse than Oasis? It's close. I might even have to give Oasis a nod for at least playing real instruments and not looking like whores in LED suits. 

So for all the obnoxious, really crude, gambling addicted, vain, opera loving, wife abusing, women seducing, cheating, lying, cold cut eating, dock working, Chef Boyardee Italian jokes I've made you guys need to realize, America is not perfect, Italy isn't perfect and Oasis isn't perfect. 

That said, let the attacks on this post begin. Thanks Green Gay

(Welcome to satire you clods.)

1 comment:

  1. Dude. This is the funniest shit ever. I used to have a Che Guevara avatar, that must've been me they were referring to! I almost got you hit by the Mafia! I switched it at some point. But, at any rate, of course Che would hate Oasis. Every freedom loving rebel does. It's only logical.