Thursday, July 21, 2011

Poll Dancing. What's Your Favorite Bathroom?

"This is my favorite bathroom. Look at it!"

This was tossed to me by either Amy Wathen or Lauren Collins. Sorry ladies, pics were flying that night at this Germantown institution.


I've taken a lot of bathroom photos and probably been to 10,000 bathrooms in my life.

Some people will say the bathroom at 21C (here's a video of it y'all) here in Louisville is their favorite. Some will claim their home thrown.

I will claim the Intercontinental in Chicago. It's quite. It's calming. It has full stall doors. And it's helped me out on numerous emergencies in the downtown Chicago area.

So what's your favorite? Hit up the comment section.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Homophobic Wednesday & Donkey Boners!

One of my favorite days of the week—Homophobic Wednesday! Another chance for us to prove America's ignorance.

This photo came from John Jacobsen or Keith Raines—sorry fellas, I get a lot of texts.

I really could care less how Payne went from "HILAROUS" to a "HUGE FAG." What I really came to talk about is "Donkey Boner President."

How cool of a political title! Such regality. Imagine one dude, leader of the free world's ass erections. Measuring. Calculating. Staring. This is the change we need.

If you haven't guessed yet, I hate politics.

Individuals doing good for the country went away a long time ago when corporations got involved. Now, it's about which back room deal will benefit a politician's back pocket more. Mitch McConnell and Barack Obama care about the same thing—money. Barack writes books and is funded by just as many corporations at Mitch McConnell.

(McConnell just seems a lot seedier, with that horrible, slow Kentucky drawl. He's kind of like watching a stroke victim with mental retardation. I want to feel bad for him, I also want to scream at the TV whenever I see him, "GET THE WORDS OUT ALREADY YOU INCREDULOUS SHORT BUSER!!!")

If it isn't one of these two asshats making terrible decisions based on their corporate sponsorships, you've got the 635 members of Congress and the Senate to fuck it up. And if you don't think they've had their pocketbooks molested too then go ahead and believe in unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster and free oral from tranny Vietnamese hookers.

This is why I hate politics—in two paragraphs. It's also why I'll be voting for Donkey Boner President next election, because it's just as important to this country as having a President of the United States of America.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

...Was Here. Was Not Here.

I see a lot of the "(Insert Name) was here." bathroom graffiti.

Much like dogs and cats, many of us mark our territory when we pee too.

Honestly, these bore me, come on people, we can do better than this.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Worship the Beast Friday!

Not sure what everybody is into this weekend, but if you're milling about and have nothing else going on how about pledging your allegiance to Satan?

Come on.

He's got the whole eternal/after life thing going on too.

Sure, you might not float on a lilly white cloud while angels/strippers fan your ass with palm leaves but he's got things the man upstairs simply doesn't—guns, whiskey and State Fair Food for starters! Need another reason? How about David Koresh? Tell me you wouldn't want to have a conversation with him about Waco in Hell's Snackatorioum.

And what do you have to suffer through? Your own personal definition of hell? For me, that would be trapped in a room full of screaming infants, which the older I get, the more often this keeps happening. So much so, that I've started to deaf from it—its either the babies or all the speed metal and braying of the goats I'm slaughtering in my garage.

Anyway, if anybody needs me, just look for the giant pentagram burning in my lawn.

Hail Satan!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I'll take a dump in your mouth!

This was nabbed from a certain women's bathroom in a certain bar by a certain Lauren Collins or Amy Wathen.

More important than that.... What the hell is going on in women's restrooms?

Has it really devolved into something out of the webpages of Urban Dictionary. Is it Two Girls and One Cup part Deux?

Years ago I worked in a bar and made friends, one of which was named Mary. She was a school teacher from August to May and a waitress from May until August. She told me one day she got distracted in the women's room by how many females didn't wash their hands.

So she started lingering a little bit to see just how few women weren't washing. After a week of doing this,  she swore it was 80% that didn't.

Guys may get labeled as disgusting and maybe our stats are higher than this, but either way, it's just gross. Wash your hands!

And for all the disgusting, crude artwork I find in men's rooms, this is pretty astonishing for a women's room.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Wash Your Butt!

Well here's some good advice for a Friday.

You don't want to be all stinky if you're gettttttttting it ahhhh-nnnah this weekend!

Next week I promise, more ambition with these posts.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Cokeheads Get Things Done!

It's Thursday. And I need cocaine.

With a mountain of a month to climb, a coke habit might not be a bad thing to pick up.

I'd add more to this post but I've never known a cokehead, nor have I ingested yayo.

Maybe I'll just settle for a short walk and some tea.