Why in the world would anybody put chains on me?

...That's why I'm easy, easy like Sunday morning.

Weird lyric. Seriously why would anybody want to put chains on Lionel Richie? It's Lionel "Brick House" Richie.

And how did this lyric make it into the final song? Really odd.

The lamest shit talking image yet

Time to get all motivational poster on your ass!

If this was a motivational poster, what would the subhead be?

Submit your answers below.

Whores Capital of the World.

Having lived in and around Lexington, KY for 22 years, I can tell you the people of that city like 4 things, in order.

1. Bourbon
2. UK Basketball
3. Whores
4. Horses

The Horse Capital of the World is about to host the All Tech Equestrian Games starting next Saturday. Let's hope Lisa Greene profits from this influx of horse thieves, Sheiks and cheating husbands.

If you're going to the games, give Lisa a call. She'll show you a good time, then she'll show you the door.

Wednesday Reader Submission Politico!!!

This week's Reader Submission comes from Nick Demille.

Who doesn't love getting drunk, discussing politics and slapping some Shit Talking on the men's room wall?

I'm not sure about the Balls for Brains "subhead" here. Trading either for either essentially negates the use of the one left behind.

I hate Captaaaaaaaaaaan Plannnneeeettttt!!!

Apparently Captain Planet has turned into a real asshole and wants us all dead.

First his tv show gets canceled. Then aerosol cans eat his ozone layer. Then... well there's a lot of then's actually.

But really, as a Captain, he's done a pretty shitty job. A Captain is supposed to lead you to victory. Rally the troops and charge ahead. But when was the last time you even saw this asshat?

His show isn't even in syndication.

Shouldn't this mook be down here picking up cans and cardboard? Shouldn't he be punching BP in the corporate dick? Maybe he should stop eating all the magic mushrooms in the forest and get the fuck back to work. Toot! Toot fuckstick! Break time's over Captain!

(Thanks go to Jacobsen for this pic, I think)

Bear FRIDAY!!!!

Gotta keep today short, too much damn work flying around here to be long winded.

Watch out for bear attacks. Also watch out for Bear Magazine. It's not a like Cat Fancy. Although maybe Cat Fancy should aim to be more like Bear Magazine. Somebody call the editor.

Enjoy your weekend.

Starts with and "R" ends with a divorce.

Well, holy shit! Here's one for a Thursday morning.

I'm not sure how America benefits from this maneuver exactly.

Do the terrorists win if we don't?
Wait, isn't this essentially what the terrorists are doing in their motherland to their wives/stable of women currently?

If we don't, does America lose it's rep as the baddest cat on the corner?
Wait, I think Bush managed to help wipe that out.

Does this fix the economy?
Okay, so if you're gonna rape your wife, I'm assuming you'll need petroleum or some other type of lubricant. And who in America produces more petroleum based products than anybody else? Answer: Halliburton.

Fuck you Dick Cheney. I will not abide by your shit talking suggestions.

Chuck Johnson, done somebody wrong.

READER SUBMISSION DAY!!!!

This week's reader submission comes from two separate people from two separate port-o-potties—thank you Mike Jones and Amy Wathen.

First up...Chuck Johnson Eats Here. Gross, yet inventive. Chuck has really angered somebody or somebodies enough to warrant two Shit Talking moments.

I don't know Chuck. But I'm going to guess Chuck is the type of guy who pees in his shoe and walks around in it, beats his parents up for new gaming systems and knocks the beer out of your hand while you're two sips in. Chuck must be a dick.

Second...Chuck Johnson is My Ball Cleaner. I don't like this little piss shoe walker. He's a bully, I'm guessing, who is finally getting his comeuppance.

Keep on keepin' on Chuck.

Simple.

No reasons to cloud today's Shit Talking post with literary gibberish and analysis.

Moron.

Says it all.

The only thing in Texas...

I've been to Dallas once. For a very extended stay. Against my wishes.

And other than highways and car washes, I have no idea what there is to do is this Buttholeville. Nor do I want to know. Depressing place, no reason semi-nearby Plano, TX is the teenage suicide capital of the U.S.

Somebody else out there shares my opinion of the city.

Change the sheets America—let's annex this festering, puss-filled goiter.

Happy Shit Talking Friday.