It's 4/20.

What's up stoners?

I hope you're happy. Your pot smoking has caused a national underground holiday. A monumental shutdown that has placed this country in the throws of uncertainty and disrepair.

Lazy, lay about, no good, drug-dealing sons of bitches. You're the reason Al-Qaeda is winning.

I blame you for the $14.3 billion deficit and medical conditions like aspergers. You're also the reason my lettuce won't stay fresh even though the expiration date is three days from now. It should be fresh. But nay, it has the rot.

Thanks a lot. You people make me want to throw myself under a fast moving, southbound train.

And that whole state of California, with their lose morals and medicinal marijuana. Whole ding, dang state is going to sink into Satan's Ocean. What are the doctors and dispensaries thinking? Do they realize they are creating a pandemic of mellowness and drifters? Unemployable deadbeats and the next generation of land pirates.

Because of their irresponsible "chill out" attitudes they've endangered generations of children against the hoards. THE HOARDS I TELL YOU!

This is a battle. Our national supply of Twix and Doritos are at stake. Wake up! Do you want some foreign marauders invading our pearlesque supermarkets and raping our bag boys? Taco Bell's will surely be next to fall. They'll suffer a wrath unseen since the devil's army tap danced on Jesus's grave.

Oh, whoa is America.

Thanks potheads.