Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Jesus's Savior

Forget what the good book taught you. Forget those Sunday school classes. Forget all the hell, fire and brimstone that's been spewed out of a half drunk baptist minister. Jesus may have parted the Red Sea, conquered Russia with just a cantaloupe and fought off the Nazi at Normandy—but dammit Karl Malone died for your sins!

His sweat, that poured like the Rivers of Jordan hath fed the meek.

His hook shot hath cured the poor.

His sweet, sweet dunking abilities hath healed the lepers.

His short shorts hath risen from the dead and laid a triple double right on Satan's bare buttocks.

Hell hath no fury like a woman? Nay!
Hell hath no fury like Karl Malone going after a loose ball or the last remaining McNugget.

With his trusty side kick John Stockton at his side, the kingdom of Short Shorts shall punch the devil in the nose and bring freedom back to all of Terabithia.

Let freedom ring. Let freedom ring.

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