Thursday, November 3, 2011

This Just In!

I'm back! Yes, I know I've said these words before, but this time I really, really mean it. I've got a stockpile of great shots and finally the time to do this right. So call a buddy and tell them to move their internet browsing ass over to Just Shit Talking. We're back on track, but still way off course.

So what's happened since I last posted? Let's run down the list.
– I may or may not have been picked up by three African American prostitutes on the streets of Chicago. They may have also been undercover cops, I'm still not sure. It was weird. I bought them Red Bull.
– I broke a laptop.
– I broke a terrabyte hard drive.
– I broke an iPod.
– I broke out two teeth.
– I broke my thumb.

Yup, fall so far has been a regular unicorn rainbow farting contest.

Oddly enough, only the last two items on that list are related. A horrendous bike wreck left me with a face that looked like that kid from Mask and a lisp that made me sound like Cindy Brady on human growth hormones. While the teeth have been replaced, the thumb still sits in cast. Typing is hard and if I ever find the guy who almost ran me off the road, I'm going to smack him with this cast, break out his front two teeth and make him pay my medical bills. Watch out fucko in the red Chevy Cobalt.

Enough about me, let's talk about Hondo—he wants to pee in your butt.

Apparently, he isn't the only one. According to the always politically correct Urban Dictionary, so does G-Money. And up until the beginning of this posting, I never knew "LMPIYB" stood for "Let Me Pee In Your Butt".

Must we abbreviate everything—ASAP, EOD, LOL? What happened to the days when you could simply just ask your partner, "Hey, can I pee in your butt?". There's nothing sexy about saying, "Hey, baby, LMPIYB." 

Abbreviations are killing how we communicate. The more we create, the closer we are to devolving into grunting like cavemen, pigs and Jagermeister sauced up teenagers. Conversations in the business world are littered with way too many of these epileptic sounding sound bytes. And anymore, there are multiple meanings for each thing we abbreviate. 

For example, yesterday, I had to write something for work. Somebody handed me an abbreviation I wasn't familiar with (p.s. my job requires I know between 25 and 3000 abbreviations for medical terms, government agencies and bizarre-ass things that should never be abbreviated in the first place). So I googled the abbreviation. Low and behold the abbreviation has 19 different meanings. 19! 

So with that, I've reached my limit with abbreviations. I'm done. In fact, the next time I get into a conversation that goes something like this, "Well the ROI on this POD project are just to much to put against the FYB." My response is going to be, "Yeah, you're right, the LMPIYB numbers are really down."

This is now what you get for using abbreviations around me, especially one that has 19 meanings. LMPIYB!

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