Monday, April 8, 2013

Turn Me On.

Spring has sprung, which means it's time for hard-ons and twitching laibas.

Love is in the air. So is pollen. So is the overwhelming smell all of the dog shit I've left in my neighbors yards all the winter.

While I love spring, the biggest drawback is now having to pick up my Cojack's shit. My philosophy in the winter is this—it's winter, nobody goes into their front yard. Who's going to notice an 22 pound dog's shit?

Am I bad neighbor? I say no.

Do I make meth in my basement? No.
Do I rent out my extra bedroom to a pedophile? No.
Do I walk around in my front yard and wave my wiener at traffic? Only on Tuesdays.

I'm a pretty good neighbor. Come on, I let the neighborhood kids smoke pot behind my neighbor's garage. I only pee in my yard when it's realllllly dark. And I occasionally, just occasionally, judge people based on their recycling—I'm looking at you Mr. Natural Light and Organic Milk, come on man balance the quality of your liquids out.

So a little dog shit that will pollute the ground water and cause a few blades of grass to grow with  super eco-strungth really isn't that bad of a thing.

I'm really more of a got-dang greenthumb. You're welcome neighbors. Now get back to your spring-fuck-flings.

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