Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Today's photo comes courtesy of Tha Funky Headhunter, Matthew Hornyak.

As we round the corner and head for Thanksgiving, I question why we still celebrate this holiday.

It's the same damn thing year after year.

Same turkey.
Same pies.
Same vegetables.
Same horrific dish brought by that one Aunt who is 99% smell deaf.
Same conversations.

It's like watching reruns of Gilligan's Island for 35 years straight.

Shouldn't we do something to make this holiday fun? Something that makes this Thanksgiving one to remember, something that busts up the regular, mundane bullshit?

Here's my list of things we should all attempt:

  1. Yell, "Swallow My Kids Bitch" at Grandma.
  2. Bake an old pair of underwear into a green bean casserole. 
  3. Include a pants down Penis Windmill as part of your victory touchdown dance when your team scores.
  4. Call your aunt, Hitler. But not not in a normal voice, in the kind of voice you would talk to an infant or a dog to, "Ooooohhhh look at your new purse you cute little Hitler."
  5. Shot for shot White Rain contest with Uncle Mitch.
  6. Start complaining that your right arm has been numb for three days then replace your normal glass with a dribble glass.
  7. Give yourself pink eye then touch your eye before you put your finger in the middle of every dish.
  8. Wear a raincoat. That's it. Don't remove it. Just wear a raincoat.
  9. Fill your plate with nothing but butter. Refuse to share it with anybody.
  10. Upon arrival, turn on the sprinkler or hose. Upon leaving do donuts in the front yard.

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