It snowed balls out Sunday night, froze up like a bitch yesterday and today it's damn near 70 degrees.
Every weather forecaster today in the metro-Louisville area is blaming "global warming". Making little jokes about it and snickering like a 6th grader in a "Yo Momma" contest.
For the record I don't believe in global warming. I don't care how much data Al Gore has or the fact that there are Polar Bears right now in Mexico City drinking margaritas and eating churros.
What I do believe in is morbid obesity. Think about it, the fatter we as Americans get, the more shit keeps going wrong with the weather. We are single handedly causing the Earth to go all cattywampus.
Don't believe me? Tape a weight to one side of a basketball and see which way it rolls. Same thing is happening here All these morbidly obese people are taped to America and the Earth is rolling off its' access.
So my solution is we get ourselves a fleet of freighters and ship a bunch of the morbidly obese to Australia. When the British wanted to get rid of their prisoners in the 18th century, where did they send them? Australia. Australia happens to be on the other side of the globe and transferring this fleet of the morbidly obese would counter balance the world out.
This is a much easier solution than driving less, investing in greener initiatives or recycling. Fuck the fatties and pass me another barrel of oil.
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