Dammit so much, Liam Gallagher could have died.

As this site winds down a bit, I'll still be posting here a bit.

In the past, I've made no attempt to hide my passionate hatred for Liam Gallagher.

Hell, I once fought the entire nation of Italy about it. (Dig through the back pages.)

Again, to those late to the party, I hate Oasis. I think they are the biggest waste of cellular matter on the planet. They're just a bunch of prissy ninny's who got big off of one hit, a slight bit of attitude and acting like huge a-holes. How their fans don't see this, has always perplexed me. But some how there are legions of people with holes the size of a gutters going through their central lobe.

Alright. Enough.

I'm not going into further hatred here about Oasis.

What I would like to talk about is how M&M's plotted to kill Liam Gallagher and sadly failed.

If you haven't heard, Liam Gallagher almost died eating blue M&M.

Fuck!

ALMOST DIED!

Apparently he's allergic to nuts. (Which doesn't explain why he's spent the better part of his career blowing male music journalists).

Anyway, M&M's, Planters, Payday, Almond Joy, Snickers, Emerald Nuts, open invitation, if you want to send me on any promotional tours that happen to line up with whatever garbage music Liam is currently playing, I'll gladly do it for free. Gimme a shout.

Slowly walking down the hall. Faster than a cannonball. Where were you while we were getting high?

"In a pisstake supernova, a pisstake suprenova in the skkkyyyyyy."

Who the hell didn't/doesn't hate Oasis?

I remember back in '96 them being heralded as "the next Beatles". (I hate the Beatles, but that's another rant.) Well, unfortunately they didn't become the Beatles—and by that I mean nobody's been shot and not one of them has died from cancer yet.

Come on people! Can't we get some lunatic to break into one of their houses and stab them in the chest?

Really?

Can't somebody shoot one of the Gallaghers? Pick one, I don't care which.

Why won't some female Yoko Ono this band? I know they're broken up which is a great thing but in the next 2 years, mark my words, one of them is going to have a shitty solo record. And when they do, there's going to be a press love affair and a push to reunite Oasis. Not fair.

How many millions a year do we spend to stop cancer? Isn't it worth $50,000 a year to figure out a way to keep Oasis apart? Can't somebody inject one of them with an African tick venom?

If anybody has any ideas on this, please share. I'm open to some jail time if it means the world's a safer place.